Wisdom of the Words

March 11, 2010
Thursday, 6:58 P.M.
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"My definition of Hell? Loneliness for all eternity...", words spoken to a teenage girl by her mom another lifetime ago. At the time, I didn't have a clue as to what that meant. I was the oldest of nine kids in a single, alcoholic parent, welfare supported home and the thought of a moment alone was but an unrequited fantasy. Flash forward to this lifetime and appreciate the wisdom of the words. Loneliness, not aloneness, but empty loneliness is hell. Daily routine brings with it associations with people, your children; coworkers; shop keepers; gas station attendants; counter people; etc. with whom you spend snippets of time. These associations keep you from being alone, but they do little to ease the gnawing loneliness that comes with no significant other in your life. You know, the one who shares so many of the same interests, concerns, hopes, dreams; the one who you matter to more than any other; the one who will feel the void if you should go away; the one who leaves a void if they go away. It doesn't have to be that romantic, passionate man woman thing (though I'd never rule that out!). It is just that person, that best friend, that one other that replaces the gnawing with purpose. Carol Ann, now facing the end of her days, is lonely. She speaks of going through this disease by herself every night with noone there to stroke her brow or brush back her hair, noone to lay beside her and hold her in a comforting embrace. I know of what she speaks. I feel for her and I fear for me...