February 27, 2010
Saturday, 8:38 P.M.
Home
So, I was over Carol Ann's house today and she told me she isn't going to continue the chemotherapy. Taking a moment to digest what she said, as tears slowly filled my eyes, I recalled the scare I had faced a couple of years before. I have always been of the mind that I would not put myself through those treatments. She and I had discussed it at the time, discovering we had different views, but she respected my decision and counseled that we wait and see what the future would bring. Obviously, the future for me is still out there and the scare was just that, a scare. Now I sit face to face with my friend as she makes this decision. As the tears receded, I counseled that we wait and see what the future brings. I asked that she speak to the doctor this week, which she has not done, to find out how much time the chemo may buy her and what the quality of that time would be. Once she is armed with that information, I will respect her decision and take it from there, one day at a time.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Shortcut!
February 26, 2010
Friday, 6:33 P.M.
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An idealistic couple, back in the 1970’s, my husband and I were very aware of current events and the government’s activities in our private lives. In response to one of these issues, we joined a motorcycle rights organization, though neither of us owned nor rode a motorcycle, to help organize the protest against the establishment of what we considered an unconstitutional law, the forcing of motorcyclists to wear helmets. I was of the opinion that a helmet was a life saver and you were a fool not to wear one, but I would defend to the death your right to be a fool. The organization, NYMRO, New York Motorcycle Rights Organization met regularly to encourage members to write letters to their respective assemblymen and senators, inform the membership of the congressmen’s stands on the issue, develop ideas for flyers and bulletins to be distributed throughout the state, set up peaceful protests, and basically, take advantage of our rights as American citizens to voice our opinions and fight for our Constitutional liberties. We were very active in protests in Albany and even participated in the setup of a very
successful one here on Long Island that attracted thousands of bikers including those from the Blue Angels, a police bike club, to the Pagans, an outlaw bike club and every other kind of biker in between.
In the course of these protests, there was only one car, a car covered in anti helmet law posters. It was a nice green blue Chrysler legally inspected and registered in my husband’s name. In short order, we found that it wasn’t just the members of the protest that took notice of this one individual automobile in a sea of motorcycles.
Friday, 6:33 P.M.
Home
An idealistic couple, back in the 1970’s, my husband and I were very aware of current events and the government’s activities in our private lives. In response to one of these issues, we joined a motorcycle rights organization, though neither of us owned nor rode a motorcycle, to help organize the protest against the establishment of what we considered an unconstitutional law, the forcing of motorcyclists to wear helmets. I was of the opinion that a helmet was a life saver and you were a fool not to wear one, but I would defend to the death your right to be a fool. The organization, NYMRO, New York Motorcycle Rights Organization met regularly to encourage members to write letters to their respective assemblymen and senators, inform the membership of the congressmen’s stands on the issue, develop ideas for flyers and bulletins to be distributed throughout the state, set up peaceful protests, and basically, take advantage of our rights as American citizens to voice our opinions and fight for our Constitutional liberties. We were very active in protests in Albany and even participated in the setup of a very
successful one here on Long Island that attracted thousands of bikers including those from the Blue Angels, a police bike club, to the Pagans, an outlaw bike club and every other kind of biker in between.
In the course of these protests, there was only one car, a car covered in anti helmet law posters. It was a nice green blue Chrysler legally inspected and registered in my husband’s name. In short order, we found that it wasn’t just the members of the protest that took notice of this one individual automobile in a sea of motorcycles.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Come On, Springtime!
February 25, 2010
Thursday, 5:45 P.M.
Home
More grey skies, more wet weather, why did God invent February? Why do the winters get longer and the summers get shorter as I get older? Please hurry up and get here Spring. I am so thirsty for warm, sunny, blue skied days filled with the scent of flowers and fresh cut grass, baseball games with the aroma of hotdogs and peanuts, leafy trees filled with trilling birds, long walks through my neighborhood listening to lawn mowers, smelling barbecues and seeing life renewing itself all around me. I just can't wait more than another five weeks.
Zeitgeist is calling my name tonight. Having watched half of it, I already have three pages, front and back, of notes to research, trying to prove (or disprove) what they are referring to as myth. I'm almost afraid to see the last half, their idea of the truth. Don't misunderstand me. My mind is not closed to what I am seeing in this film, but so far it is a difficult watch. It seems to be attempting to shatter illusions that I have carried around with me for as long as I can remember. As a lapsed Catholic, I have come to my own ideas about organized religion, but I have a strong faith in a greater being, who I choose to call God. I have always had questions surrounding Jesus, but I have believed that at the least, he was a good, kind, compassionate, special, spiritual man who actually existed 2000 years ago. It never occurred to me that he never existed at all! Wouldn't that be a kick in the head?
So I'm headed off now to explore new territory, but as Arnold said, "I'll be back".
Thursday, 5:45 P.M.
Home
More grey skies, more wet weather, why did God invent February? Why do the winters get longer and the summers get shorter as I get older? Please hurry up and get here Spring. I am so thirsty for warm, sunny, blue skied days filled with the scent of flowers and fresh cut grass, baseball games with the aroma of hotdogs and peanuts, leafy trees filled with trilling birds, long walks through my neighborhood listening to lawn mowers, smelling barbecues and seeing life renewing itself all around me. I just can't wait more than another five weeks.
Zeitgeist is calling my name tonight. Having watched half of it, I already have three pages, front and back, of notes to research, trying to prove (or disprove) what they are referring to as myth. I'm almost afraid to see the last half, their idea of the truth. Don't misunderstand me. My mind is not closed to what I am seeing in this film, but so far it is a difficult watch. It seems to be attempting to shatter illusions that I have carried around with me for as long as I can remember. As a lapsed Catholic, I have come to my own ideas about organized religion, but I have a strong faith in a greater being, who I choose to call God. I have always had questions surrounding Jesus, but I have believed that at the least, he was a good, kind, compassionate, special, spiritual man who actually existed 2000 years ago. It never occurred to me that he never existed at all! Wouldn't that be a kick in the head?
So I'm headed off now to explore new territory, but as Arnold said, "I'll be back".
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
High C
February 24, 2010
Wednesday, 7:33 P.M.
Home
For the better part of two years, with a couple of slips here and there, I have been a non-smoker. I smoked for forty two years and tried everything that was recommended to me to aid in quitting. I first tried the patch, useless. I tried the gum, a little better, but not good enough. I sat in a hypnotist's chair and proceeded to find out I can't be hypnotized (had to pay him anyway). I got a prescription for Zyban (now Wellbutrin) and though I was calm, I still wanted to smoke and did. Over and over again, you hear people say that you'll stop when you are ready. Well, what the hell does that mean? I was ready for twenty years, hence, the patch, the gum, the hypnotist, the Zyban!! The trick is, you'll stop when you recognize what it is that is worth stopping for. Not that my kids aren't worth stopping for, I don't mean that. It is that one trigger in your nicotine and tar filled brain that is finally pulled and you have the aha moment. My aha moment was when I couldn't hit the notes on the other end of the musical scale anymore. Not only had I lost the high C's, I had lost the medium A's and B's. Bam! The only reason for that is the damn cigarettes. Bam! Quitting will stop the decline in vocal range. Bam! You might even get back some of what you've lost. Bam! Bam! Bam! Quit, already. Okay, I will. Two years later, my nicotine lozenges and I have conquered the cigarette. A few months ago, I tried to quit the lozenges too, but there came a moment when I was going to buy a pack of cigarettes and I bought the trusty lozenges instead. Will I be dependent on them the rest of my life? Who knows? Do I really care? I'm close to hitting high C again.
Wednesday, 7:33 P.M.
Home
For the better part of two years, with a couple of slips here and there, I have been a non-smoker. I smoked for forty two years and tried everything that was recommended to me to aid in quitting. I first tried the patch, useless. I tried the gum, a little better, but not good enough. I sat in a hypnotist's chair and proceeded to find out I can't be hypnotized (had to pay him anyway). I got a prescription for Zyban (now Wellbutrin) and though I was calm, I still wanted to smoke and did. Over and over again, you hear people say that you'll stop when you are ready. Well, what the hell does that mean? I was ready for twenty years, hence, the patch, the gum, the hypnotist, the Zyban!! The trick is, you'll stop when you recognize what it is that is worth stopping for. Not that my kids aren't worth stopping for, I don't mean that. It is that one trigger in your nicotine and tar filled brain that is finally pulled and you have the aha moment. My aha moment was when I couldn't hit the notes on the other end of the musical scale anymore. Not only had I lost the high C's, I had lost the medium A's and B's. Bam! The only reason for that is the damn cigarettes. Bam! Quitting will stop the decline in vocal range. Bam! You might even get back some of what you've lost. Bam! Bam! Bam! Quit, already. Okay, I will. Two years later, my nicotine lozenges and I have conquered the cigarette. A few months ago, I tried to quit the lozenges too, but there came a moment when I was going to buy a pack of cigarettes and I bought the trusty lozenges instead. Will I be dependent on them the rest of my life? Who knows? Do I really care? I'm close to hitting high C again.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Other Alternative
February 23, 2010
Tuesday, 5:40 P.M.
Home
I just received an e-mail from my per diem boss testing me on algebra! He sent me an accounting example to set up as an equation. How is that for support? I don't know whether to react with, " Are you kidding me?" or "Aren't you thoughtful?" I guess I'll wait to see how easily the solution comes to me.
Taking a shower when I came home from work, I was rinsing the conditioner out of my hair when visions of my girlfriend undergoing chemotherapy tomorrow came to me. Things so taken for granted day after day loom so much larger under less ordinary circumstances. I can't imagine losing my hair, having it fall out in clumps until there is nothing left. For someone who considers herself such a compassionate and empathetic person, I am ashamed of myself. I realize how insignificant a head of hair is in relation to extending one's life and still, I shudder at the thought. I am behaving like a self absorbed, spoiled, and shallow bimbo and I don't know how to fix it. If I ever become afflicted with this disease, I am not sure I would put myself through what Carol Ann is facing and what millions of others, including my sister have endured. I'm pretty certain I would take the other alternative.
Tuesday, 5:40 P.M.
Home
I just received an e-mail from my per diem boss testing me on algebra! He sent me an accounting example to set up as an equation. How is that for support? I don't know whether to react with, " Are you kidding me?" or "Aren't you thoughtful?" I guess I'll wait to see how easily the solution comes to me.
Taking a shower when I came home from work, I was rinsing the conditioner out of my hair when visions of my girlfriend undergoing chemotherapy tomorrow came to me. Things so taken for granted day after day loom so much larger under less ordinary circumstances. I can't imagine losing my hair, having it fall out in clumps until there is nothing left. For someone who considers herself such a compassionate and empathetic person, I am ashamed of myself. I realize how insignificant a head of hair is in relation to extending one's life and still, I shudder at the thought. I am behaving like a self absorbed, spoiled, and shallow bimbo and I don't know how to fix it. If I ever become afflicted with this disease, I am not sure I would put myself through what Carol Ann is facing and what millions of others, including my sister have endured. I'm pretty certain I would take the other alternative.
Monday, February 22, 2010
A Line or Two
February 22, 2010
Monday, 9:44 P.M.
Home
Won't bore you with the details, but man, this was a long day! Super short entry tonight, I'm just so tired.
Monday, 9:44 P.M.
Home
Won't bore you with the details, but man, this was a long day! Super short entry tonight, I'm just so tired.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Man's Work
February 21, 2010
Sunday, 5:04 P.M.
Home
So, at 4:00 this morning when I awakened and couldn't fall back to sleep, I found myself in front of my computer watching Zeitgeist, The Movie. As I wrote in the notes I was taking, Ouch!! Without giving away too much of my essay, I have to say that if I were a devout Christian, I may have been very upset over part of "the myth". All of this film, to the end of the myth, which is as far as I have gotten, is a very difficult watch. I spent two and a half hours going back and taking copious notes as it went along so that I can do some research on the subject matter. A blindly patriotic person will have some real problems too and both the Christian and the patriot may take offense. It will be interesting to hear the takes of my classmates on this controversial piece.
I returned from my future daughter in law's Bridal Shower a little while ago. You know what? I hate those things, bridal showers, baby showers, tupperware parties, Pampered Chef, candle parties, wood parties, makeup parties, etc., etc.... No matter how hard the hostess tries or how much you care about the celebrant, these things are incredibly boring. I have never been a girly girl kind of woman. I am much more comfortable in the role of a tomboy, prefering siding a house or doing roofing to getting my nails done and worrying about my haircuts. Home Depot is far more of a draw than Macy's or Bath and Body Works. Doing what is traditionally man's stuff is fun! One of the coolest things in life when we were little kids, was getting filthy dirty and when you do man things like working on the car or construction projects or rototilling the ground, you get to be filthy dirty and have the satisfaction of accomplishing something. Yeah, that's what I'd rather do on a Sunday afternoon.
Sunday, 5:04 P.M.
Home
So, at 4:00 this morning when I awakened and couldn't fall back to sleep, I found myself in front of my computer watching Zeitgeist, The Movie. As I wrote in the notes I was taking, Ouch!! Without giving away too much of my essay, I have to say that if I were a devout Christian, I may have been very upset over part of "the myth". All of this film, to the end of the myth, which is as far as I have gotten, is a very difficult watch. I spent two and a half hours going back and taking copious notes as it went along so that I can do some research on the subject matter. A blindly patriotic person will have some real problems too and both the Christian and the patriot may take offense. It will be interesting to hear the takes of my classmates on this controversial piece.
I returned from my future daughter in law's Bridal Shower a little while ago. You know what? I hate those things, bridal showers, baby showers, tupperware parties, Pampered Chef, candle parties, wood parties, makeup parties, etc., etc.... No matter how hard the hostess tries or how much you care about the celebrant, these things are incredibly boring. I have never been a girly girl kind of woman. I am much more comfortable in the role of a tomboy, prefering siding a house or doing roofing to getting my nails done and worrying about my haircuts. Home Depot is far more of a draw than Macy's or Bath and Body Works. Doing what is traditionally man's stuff is fun! One of the coolest things in life when we were little kids, was getting filthy dirty and when you do man things like working on the car or construction projects or rototilling the ground, you get to be filthy dirty and have the satisfaction of accomplishing something. Yeah, that's what I'd rather do on a Sunday afternoon.
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