Never Again CarolAnn's house

April 17, 2010
Saturday, 9:17 P.M.
Home

It occurs to me I will never again enter CarolAnn's house as my location for this blog. All kinds of little things like that are occurring to me in the last few days. I said my final worldly goodbye to my friend today. Her family held only a graveside service, purportedly according to CarolAnn's wishes. I suppose that is possible. Ca was more into the party that would be held afterward than the solemn goodbyes of a wake. I learned through this experience though, that for my loved ones, the people who really care about me, the wake is a final gift that I can give to them. Speaking for myself, I wish she had been waked. I wish we had her pictures to look at and anecdotes to listen to. I wish we had had a few hours to sit with her in the room and adjust to the finality of it all. The wake prepares the people who love you for the graveside service, for the inevitable parting. When my time comes, I don't really care how, or who, or what, or why, they can do whatever they want, whatever is best for them. I have learned through this that at that point, it isn't all about me-it's about them and my love for them. Another gift from CarolAnn; I wouldn't have ever realized that if I hadn't had this experience.

We will have a party on May 22nd. Our trusty piano player and accompianist will be back from his cruising, heartbroken that he is not be here to say goodbye, and all her music friends will get together to give her the party sendoff she so adamantly wished for. There will be music and laughter and drink and food and her spirit will soar with joy. I can't begin to describe the void that is left in my heart, my soul, my world. God, how I miss her...