If I've Learned Anything...

April 15, 2010
Thursday, 5:43 P.M.
Home

...it's to be more patient and yes, even appreciative of the annoying traits of those I love. CarolAnn had a couple of things that really annoyed the heck out of me. She needed constant reassurance. She would ask over and over again how her singing performance was, how the meal she cooked tasted, how the flowers she planted looked, and you learned in pretty short order to be complimentary or incur her wrath. She was very set in her ways, overly loyal to product brands, and pretty gosh darn judgemental. I grew impatient with her on many occasions due to these petty annoyances. I never looked at her and thought to myself, "Hmmm, if she were to die tomorrow, would these quirks be annoying or would they be endearing?"

CarolAnn moved on yesterday. Though I will not canonize her in death any more than I would in life, I do know that those little quirks have shifted one hundred eighty degrees to endearing. To realize that I will never again hear her sing that song or cook me that dinner or enjoy the plants in her backyard; to have it sink in that calling her or visiting with her is no longer an option; to accept that she hasn't gone on vacation or moved away one day to return; to absorb that she has left this world for the rest of my time in it, is having a huge impact on my perspective of who I am. To have had the gift of sharing this journey with her will alter my sanctimonious attitudes. I am not the judge, my way is not necessarily the right way, my thoughts and feelings are no more important than anybody else's. If I have learned anything, I have learned that love does not judge, love just loves moment by precious moment and I don't want to let any more of those moments pass by, wasted in petty annoyance.