Satisfaction

February 20, 2010
Saturday, 5:30 P.M.
Home

What a satisfying day this has been! How often do we get the opportunity to say that? The morning started with a temperature over the freezing mark for the first time since I don't remember when. The sun was shining and the dirty snow was melting. The roads were dry and you can actually see the ground peeking through on the parkways. All in all, a really nice start to the day. This morning's class essay was about our memories of 9/11/01 and I heard some terrific essays read by their authors. At the end of class, we received our marked ghost papers and I got a 100! Not only that, but a very complimentary comment from my professor. Damn, that felt good. As I was packing up to go, one of my classmates approached me to comment on my writing in a glowing way. It is so flattering when someone goes out of their way to say something nice to, and about, you. She helped to make my day. I do have to say, though, that I almost feel guilty taking good grades and kind words for the writings I create because it's almost as if I don't do the writing. There is some kind of deep well within me, a spot so sensitive and fine that seems to send the messages to my fingers as they fly across the paper, coming up with words that spring from my page with a certain emotional bent. I am comfortable with taking credit for the grammar, the spelling, the form and even the edited words, but the concepts are as from a dream and I'm not certain it's fair to call them Dawn's...
From school, I headed to CarolAnn's house, stopping to pick up a nice big cup of 7-11 coffee to get me through the trip and the chores I intended to tackle when I got there. As I took Exit 17S from the Southern State Parkway, the cup tipped, I thought I saved it, then lost my grip and popped off the top spilling my precious brown liquid all over my pants. (Sure was glad I wore the black instead of the light grey I originally planned on!) CarolAnn is not a big coffee drinker and I knew I wouldn't get any there, but oh well, I had faith that I could make it through. Anyway, it was good to see her. The terrific news is that the cancer has NOT spread to her brain, but is confined to the lung and the liver. Monday brings her the implantation of a port and Wednesday starts chemo. We shall see, but anyway, the satisfying stuff is being there for somebody you love and you know loves you. It is often said, that you get what you give, but the truth is, you get so much more than what you give. The words to describe what it is you feel when you give of yourself without a thought for payback or reward, have not yet been written, for there are no words to describe the feeling. It is beyond all else, even sex, and for me, that's really saying something!!!