The Friend She Needs

February 13, 2010
Saturday, 5:10 P.M.
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Right now, at this moment, Stage IV lung cancer is on my mind. I just finished reading about the disease and the stage IV implications of it and I am sick at heart.
True friends in my life have been few and far between for a number of reasons, some of them, through my fault. Over the last ten years, thougjh, there have been two who know the real me. They know the woman who projects to the rest of the world is not the whole person. They have seen me at my weakest, at my most hopeless, and they have stood by my side anyway. They have seen me at my bitchiest and they've seen me at my best and they still love me and consider me a friend. Better yet, to their credit, they are my friends. They love and accept me with all my faults and imperfections.
Now one of them is very, very sick. She has stage IV lung cancer that has metasticized to her liver. Next week she will undergo a brain scan to see if it has attacked that part of her body. Chemotherapy is scheduled to start very shortly after that. Carolann is a unique girl. I have never known anyone quite like her.This is not to say she is perfect. She and I disagree on hosts of things political, social and otherwise, but I love her. Our differences have caused words between us and minor separations, but we have always found our ways back to each other. I've come to realize that's a large part of what friendship is all about; being able to find your way back. But, what will I do now? I am searching for the right words, the right actions, the truest formula for behaving as her friend. I want her to know she is not alone on any step of this journey, neither figuratively or literally. Someone will stand beside her as a leaning post, behind her to catch her if she falls, in front of her as a barrier to attack. I want for her whatever it is she wants and I pray to be the friend to her that she needs at the moment she needs it. God, hang with us.